


Lucretia Done Fucked Up

by Merefish



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Basically, Canon Compliant, Spoilers for Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, lucretia is Freaking Out, theres a reason tres horny boys make so many references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-10
Packaged: 2019-07-29 09:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16260980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merefish/pseuds/Merefish
Summary: Lucretia might have erased the pasts of the members of the IPRE, but did she remember to erase everything?a.k.a. Why do Magnus, Merle, and Taako make so many references that no one else seems to get?





	Lucretia Done Fucked Up

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published fic in 5 years, so take pity on me.
> 
> Thank you so much to my TAZ discord, y'all are so amazing. Your support is why this weird piece of fiction exists outside of my head.

Years and years and _years_ of working and searching and losing so, so much and finally Lucretia was going to see her friends again. They wouldn’t know her, and she would technically be their boss, but they would finally be back in her life. She took a deep breath as they approached her receiving room. She was ready to see them again.

 

She really wasn’t.

 

As she saw them for the first time in years, Lucretia was frozen. She took a deep breath and, hoping her shock at seeing them older wasn’t showing, began to speak.

 

_“Welcome, the three of you, to the Bureau of Balance”_

 

Everything seemed surreal, Lucretia hadn’t truly interacted with Merle and Taako and Magnus since she had left them behind so many years before. Would they be the same? Lucretia listened as they asked about money, not really a surprise, but they still didn’t seem like her friends that she knew. She was running on autopilot, spitting out the lines she had rehearsed a thousand times in her head. And then Lucretia heard the words that made her realize that her friends, her family, had not changed all that much. Unfortunately.

 

_“I’m happy to destroy the gauntlet. I would like to be present while it is destroyed, so I can confirm—”_

_“Oh, yes, I imagine you would. It’ll be quite spectacular.”_

_“And it makes him horny!”_

_“Shh! That’s between me and my god.”_

_“He loves seeing things destroyed.”_

_“A stiff wind makes him horny.”_

_“That is not true!”_

 

Lucretia _really_ didn’t need to hear about Magnus being horny over the gauntlet being destroyed. She had heard more than enough arguments like this over the years on the Starblaster. She wasn’t really paying attention to what was going on, Merle made some goof about Mount Doom. Wow, she hadn’t thought about that story in years. Merle was the only one she ever talked about it with, no one else in the crew liked those stories. She kept going, mostly on autopilot, until Merle asked her a question that made her racing thoughts grind to a screeching halt.

 

_“Did you get my Animal House joke earlier?”_

 

Animal House didn’t exist in this reality. And now that Lucretia thought about it, neither did any of Fantasy J. R. R. Tolkien’s stories. She thanked every deity in this reality, plus a few in others, that she practiced the rest of her speech more times than she could count.

 

She had some fucking big issues to deal with.


End file.
